How NOT to introduce yourself, Vol. 2

We got this message submitted through our contact form. I wasn’t quite sure if it was good spam or bad networking, but since I’m choosing to ridicule it in public rather than politely respond in private, you know what I decided:

Could you please put me in direct contact with your online sales manager or biz dev manager.

Under “About the Authors”, you’ll see three names. Just how many people do you think work “here”?

We understand that your company offers solo-mailing and pop-up marketing services and we are interested in running a campaign with you.

You do? Where did you get that idea?

We are interested in CPA opportunities for the marketing of our anti-spyware software. So if you could have someone contact me in regards to list size and pop-up reach that would be appreciated.

Marketing anti-spyware software via pop-ups and spam e-mail blasts? That just seems oxymoronic to me… using one nuisance to sell a product to prevent another!

We offer very high payouts, and since 9 out of 10 Internet consumers have some form of adware or spyware on their PC’s you can expect to generate a lot of business from this opportunity. For example we have some affiliates that earn over $3,000 per week with minimal effort on their end.

Everything I learned about marketing says that it’s most effective when it’s targeted. What on this site has anything whatsoever to do with spyware?

Also, we have an opt-in database and pop network of our own…so let me know if you would be interested in a barter campaign as well

If it’s handled as well as this letter is… no thanks!

So, I’m sure someone didn’t type this in by hand, right? Is someone actually taking the time to copy and paste messages like this? Or are they automating it with a script? I thought the point of making a web contact form was to prevent spamming. It’s not working!!!

The moral to the story, for those of you trying to actually derive something useful out of this, is do your homework! Whenever you approach people, make sure you know enough about them not to say things that are totally inappropriate for their business. It’s never well received.